Sunday, August 30, 2009

Anger Management

Girl Fight! Pictures, Images and Photos
I don't know why I've been enjoying watching 'Girl Fight' videos on youtube.LOL. It's funny to see girls fighting because it shows how stupid they are.some girls fight good in other words, scary!! I never knew that girls could be so violent.there's a case where a girl beat her friend in the restroom. whoa, why do you have to do that girl? I think boys are afraid to woo you now.ughhh well, most of them fight over boys.whew. That's lame and what a shame!Why do you think this is all happening? Is it because of you don't know how to handle your anger or is it because yo're born to be that kind of girl!
So, I think some of you know about this and some don't and it's my responsibility to share :D
yeah, that's the main reason of why I create this blog though. This is a little bit about overcoming your ANGER!!

Overcoming or controlling anger is called "Kazm". Performing "Kazm" is a very good and beneficial act and causes one to earn many rewards(Thawabs). Whoever overcomes wrath or anger will be rewarded with Paradise. Allahu ta'ala loves a person very much if he controls his anger for the sake of Allahu ta'ala and forgives his opponent and does not retaliate.

A hadith states, "Anger (Ghadab) occurs due to the evil suggestions (Waswasa) of the devil. The devil was created from fire. Fire is extinguished with water. Take ablution (Wudu) for overcoming anger!" For this reason, an angry person should read "A'uzu basmala" and two "Kul a'uzu" {the last two chapters of the Qur'an which starts with the word "Kul a'uzu".} An angry person's intellect (Aql) will stop functioning and he will depart from the limits set by Islam. An angry person should sit down if he is standing up. A hadith stated, "Whoever is overtaken by anger (Ghadab) should sit down if he is standing up. If anger continues, he should lay down on one of his sides!" It is easy for a standing person to react for quick revenge. Sitting down lessens his anger. Laying down lessens his anger further. Anger is the result of conceit (Kibr).Laying down decreases conceit. It is ordered by hadith that an angry person should read the following prayer, "Allahummagfir li-zanbi wa azhib gayza qalbi wa ajirni minasshaytan". The meaning of this prayer (Dua) is the following, "Oh my Allah! Forgive my sin. Save me from the anger in my heart and the evil suggestions of the devil." If a person cannot treat the person who caused the anger (Ghadab) softly, he should depart from him and he should not see him any longer.

Ignorant and stupid people refer to anger (Ghadab) and wrath (Tahawwur) as bravery (Shajaat), honor, manliness, and patriotism.Do you think that's aceptable? They embellish and beautify the vice anger (Ghadab) with these beautiful words. They tell others that having anger is a good thing and in order to support this view they relate stories about how great personalities got angry. Their actions reflect their ignorance and prove that their brains do not function properly. For this reason a sick person gets mad faster than a healthy person, women get angry quicker than men and elder persons get angry faster than the young ones. Those who are younger than thirty years of age are called young, those who are between thirty and fifty are called mature men and those over fifty are called old men (Shaikh) and those who are beyond seventy years are called very old men (Pir-i fani).

Not listening to the harsh and tough talk of a person who speaks based on his own interpretation instead of just repeating what Islam said or what the books of the previous Islamic scholars said on that matter will cause him to get angry. The treatment of this type of disease is to tell the truth in a soft and slow manner. Hadrat Hasan and Hadrat Huseyn, may Allahu ta'ala be well pleased with them, the grandsons of Rasulullah, peace be upon him, were traveling in the desert. They came across an old man who was taking ablution (Wudu). The old man was not observing all the necessary conditions of the ablution. They were ashamed to tell the old man that his ablution would not be acceptable. They approached him and told him that they were disputing with each other as to who is taking the better ablution and asked the old man to be the judge. Each one took ablution by observing all necessary conditions. The old man followed their actions closely and at the end told them, Oh my sons! I just learned how to take ablution from you. Prophet Abraham (Ibrahim), peace be upon him, gave a banquet to two hundred fire worshipers (Majusi). They in turn asked Abraham, peace be upon him, what they could do for him. Abraham, peace be upon him, asked them to make prostration (Sajda) to his Lord. They discussed his desire among themselves and said that he was well known for his generosity therefore they decided not to offend him. They said that making a prostration for his Lord would not change anything and they said, after the prostration, they will still go and worship their own gods. While they were making the prostration (Sajda), Abraham, peace be upon him, prayed to his Lord by saying, "Oh my Lord! I can only do this much. It is in your power to bestow happiness on them and to show them the right path. Please, honor them by making them Muslims!" His prayer was accepted and all of them became Muslims. It is necessary to counsel a person who is getting ready to commit a forbidden act when he is alone. When one is observed committing a forbidden act, he will be warned immediately in a soft manner. Advising everybody in private beforehand will be more effective.
Perceiving a person's words in a wrong sense will cause him to get angry. At such times, one should speak less and clearly and should not use words which can be interpreted in many ways. Expressing one's self with parables (words with hidden meanings) causes stress to the listener and hurts his feeling. Three conditions should be observed while communicating the right word (Amr al-maruf). One should form his intention for communicating the order of Allahu ta'ala; one should know the proof or source of information one is communicating and one should be patient with the troubles that may rise due performing the "Amr al-maruf." One should speak softly and should not speak in a harsh manner. Those who speak harshly and argue would cause instigation (Fitna). Hadrat Umar and Hadrat Abdullah Ibn al-Masud, may Allahu ta'ala be well pleased with them, were walking around the streets of Madina during his rule (Hilafat.) They heard voice of a singing woman while passing in front of a house. Hadrat Umar, may Allahu ta'ala be well pleased with him, looked inside of the house from the keyhole. He observed an old man with a glass of wine in front of him and a singing woman. He immediately entered the house from the window. The old man cried out, Oh Amr al-Muminun! Would you please listen to me for a second for the sake of Allahu ta'ala. Hadrat Umar, may Allahu ta'ala be well pleased with him, said, Okay. Go ahead and speak! The old man said, I committed one wrong but you have already violated three laws of Allahu ta'ala. Hadrat Umar, may Allahu ta'ala be well pleased with him, inquired of the three. The old man said, Allahu ta'ala orders that we should not look inside of others' houses. You looked inside the house from the keyhole. Allahu ta'ala says not to enter others' houses without their permission. You entered without permission. Finally, Allahu ta'ala orders us to enter the houses from the front door with greetings. You entered from the window and did not give any greeting. Hadrat Umar, may Allahu ta'ala be pleased with him, replied with justice and in fairness and said, "What you have said are all correct!" Asked his forgiveness and walked out of the house crying.
We should maintain good opinions about advice givers and all Muslims in general. We should interpret their words and advice in a good manner. Believing in the goodness and piousness of the Muslim would be an act which brings rewards. Not believing a Muslim's word by thinking that he is no good reflects the poor morals of that person, i.e., the one who doesn't believe. One should try to understand what is said and if he is not able to understand it then he should inquire about it. One should not have evil thoughts (Su-i zan) about the speaker. Among the evil suggestions brought into the heart by the devil, having evil opinions (Su-i zan) about others is the one where the devil is most successful. Having evil opinion (Su-i zan) is forbidden (Haram). If one is not able to interpret someone's words in a good manner, one should consider the possibility that it may be due to a mistake or forgetfulness.
When a poor person requests something from a rich person and his request is denied, that may cause anger (Ghadab) in both of them.
Asking or saying something to a person who is busy or thinking or is anxious or distressed may cause anger in him. A crying baby or the noise of children or animals may also cause anger in some persons. Having such an anger is very ugly. It has been observed that certain types of people had anger upon the movements of inanimate things. For example, a person of this type, while trying to cut a piece of wood, tries to chop the wood with an ax but the wood either slips or does not split and the man gets angry and starts to swear or destroy or burn the thing. This type of anger is worse than the previous case. It has also been observed that there are certain kinds of people who get mad at their own doings and hit themselves or swear at themselves. If a person gets mad at himself because of not being able to attend his worships then this would be a valuable act and religious Gayrat and he would earn rewards (Thawabs) for it. Having anger toward the leaders of the government or toward Rasulullah, peace be upon him, or toward Allahu ta'ala because of their orders or commandments is the worst kind of anger. This type of anger causes disbelief. The hadith, "Anger (Ghadab) blemishes one's belief" shows that having anger toward Rasulullah or Allahu ta'ala causes disbelief.
Getting angry upon seeing another one committing a prohibited action is a very good deed and shows one's religious Gayrat. But, one should not step out of the boundaries of Islam or wisdom (Aql) when one gets angry. Calling that person by dirty names, e.g., kafir, munafiq and names like that, is prohibited (Haram). That kind of name calling necessitates punishment of that name caller. Even though it was permitted to say words like "ignorant" or "stupid", advising him in a soft manner would be better because in one hadith, Rasulullah, peace be upon him, said, "Allah always loves the one who speaks in a soft manner." It is incumbent upon the members of the government or the law enforcers to forcefully stop a person who commits prohibited actions and who violetes the laws of the land. But beating him more than necessary or torturing would be oppression (Zulm) and sinning. In the absence of law officers or members of the government, one may stop the man if one is powerful enough to cope with him. Sentencing with death or destructing his house could only be accomplished by the government and by the decision of the judge. Giving unduly heavy punishment would be tyranny. Torturing by those who are authorized by the government to do Amr al-maruf and Nahy-i anil munkar is forbidden {For explanation of Amr al-maruf see the keywords of chapter 12}.
The opposite of anger (Ghadab) is softness (Hilm). Softness is better than being able to overcome one's anger. The meaning of softness is not to get angry at all. It is a sign of being very wise or having much intellect (Aql). In the following hadiths Rasulullah, peace be upon him, said,"Allahu ta'ala loves those who act in softness in response to an incident which causes anger 'Ghadab'," and "Allahu ta'ala loves persons who possess softness 'Hilm', shame 'Haya' and 'Iffat'. He does not love those who speak dirty language 'Fuhush' and those beggars who solicit in a molesting manner." "Iffat" means not to have an eye on others' wealth. "Fuhush" means dirty and ugly things. Rasulullah, peace be upon him, would repeat the following prayer often, "Oh my Lord! Bestow me, knowledge (Ilm), softness (Hilm), piety (Taqwa), and 'Afiyat'." "Ilm al-nafi'" is the knowledge of faith, religious jurisprudence (Fiqh), and ethics (Akhlaq). "Afiyat" generally means wellness but, the meaning which is requested in this prayer is to have salvation from the following: having religion and beliefs that are free of corruption; having deeds and worships that are free of disasters; having soul (Nafs) that is free of appetite (Shahwat); having a spiritual heart (Qalb) free from the fancies (Hawa) of the nafs and evil suggestions of the devil; and having a body free of disease. When they inquired from Rasulullah, peace be upon him, as to which one single prayer is the best prayer, he replied, "Ask 'Afiyat' from Allahu ta'ala. There is no greater blessing than 'Afiyat' after belief." [One should make much repentance (Istigfar) in order to attain "Afiyat".] In one hadith, Rasulullah, peace be upon him, said, "Be a person who has knowledge 'Ilm' and 'Sakina!' Speak softly while learning or teaching! Never brag with your knowledge!""Sakina" means, having maturity and dignity. In the following hadiths Rasulullah, peace be upon him, said, "The fire of hell would not burn a person who lives according to Islam and who is soft in nature," and "Being soft brings blessings. Being slack or excessive in performing one's duties or business causes absent-mindedness or a state of heedlessness 'Gaflat'," and "One who do not have softness 'Rifq' is not a useful and beneficial person," and "Softness 'Rifq' embellishes or decorates a person and covers his deficiencies."
In another hadith Rasulullah, peace be upon him, said, "Knowledge is acquired by studying and softness 'Hilm' is acquired by striving and working hard to obtain it. Allahu ta'ala will grant success to those who try to do useful and beneficial deeds. And He will also protect those who avoid doing evil deeds."